When I was a baby, I was adopted into an abusive home in the Chicago area. It was a middle-class home, my adoptive mom was a stay-at-home mom, and there was no drug or alcohol abuse involved.

Everything appeared neat and tidy on the outside. This made it more dangerous for me because there was no reason for anyone to suspect abuse.

We regularly attended church. My adoptive parents drilled into me that when I became good enough, God would accept me, but until then, I deserved everything that happened to me because I was bad. This was a very confusing time for me.

I would learn about Jesus in Sunday School and what was happening in the home didn’t match what I was learning. I also received the message that I didn’t deserve to be loved, so that’s how I saw God for a big part of my life.

The time with my adoptive parents ended when I was 12. We moved to a small town in Georgia, and I was kicked out of the house a year later, which was a relief to me. I knew that wherever I ended up would be safer than the environment I was leaving.

Social services was never involved.

I bounced around from family to family until I ended up with Jim and Kathy Brown, and I lived with them until I left for college. They already had 5 kids, but they believed me and loved me unconditionally, and they were really the first glimpse I had of God’s love in action.

This was one of many “Check Your Game” moments for me! My faith journey was long and messy, but that’s what is so amazing about God’s grace.

 My Advice

1. Don’t let yourself be limited or defined by your past. God can take all of it and use it for good.

2. God is big enough to deal with your questions. When difficult things happen to us, like childhood trauma, it’s hard to accept that “God is the protector.” We can talk to Him openly and honestly about how we feel.

3. Forgiveness doesn’t have to mean reconciliation. That’s not in the Bible! God calls us to forgive, but He never demands that we reconcile.